he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
