you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
