if only i could text you this smell
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
