the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
