Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
