why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
