My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
