just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Randomize
