You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
