I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
