dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
