you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
