She's JV to your varsity
Nicole vs. Life
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
