pedialite and red bull = repair kit
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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