I bet he comes in French.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
