my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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