He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
