I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
