He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
