I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
