Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
