I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
