Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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