and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
