I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
