so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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