He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
