well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
