I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
