Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
