After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
