You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
