1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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