My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
