You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
