so that wasnt chicken after all
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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