I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
this will be a night to untag.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
