My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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