ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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