In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
