dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
