I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
