Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
