just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
