You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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