you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just want nice things and good sex
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
