Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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