What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
