she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
