I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
