isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
