i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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