Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
