What a fucking waste of an outfit
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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